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The Odd One Out

33

“Do you want to pitch in for her present?”

Just one simple question. It only requires a yes or no answer. And yet it’s so much more loaded. At least, for me it is.

One of my friends’ birthday is coming up and our friend group has always had this thing where we would all pitch in to buy someone a present. That way it wouldn’t cost us – poor students – too much and we were still able to give our friends something. It seems like such a wonderful idea and, don’t get me wrong, at its core it is – until someone gets left out.

A few months ago, back in February, someone else asked me the same question for a different friend’s birthday. And because I care about this person, of course I said yes. I don’t necessarily mind having said yes, but there is something that’s bothering me: I keep getting the question, but I’m not receiving any presents myself.

I know I’m at a risk of sounding very selfish here, and I also realise that buying people birthday presents is in no way “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”. It would, however, be nice to feel a little bit more appreciated. My birthday has come and gone and all I received from my friends were happy birthday wishes through social media. Which is obviously nice in itself, but not if you know that apparently everyone else is worthy of presents – except you.

And it’s not about the money. Not at all. It’s about the implication of not receiving any birthday presents from my friends – “we don’t care enough about you”. It’s also definitely not about material things. My friends could literally give me a single pen and I’d already feel a lot different about this whole situation. I’m not asking anyone to go all out or to spend tons of money – all I’m asking is a bit of consideration.

What makes it worse is that they seem to be rubbing it in by always asking me the question for other people’s birthdays, but not doing anything for mine. Almost like “hey, everyone else is important enough to do this for – just not you”.

I might be attaching too much importance to something as trivial as birthday presents, but I can’t ignore the fact that I feel hurt because of this. No one thought to ask around our friend group whether anyone would want to pitch in for a present for my birthday. Or worse yet – someone asked around, but no one was interested enough and so they dropped it. I don’t know what the reason is, and I probably never will. But just the implication that none of my friends care enough to want to pitch in for a present is painful enough.

Have you ever felt left out? What did you do to address it? Let me know in the comments down below, as I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

  1. Oh I feel for you so much! I completely relate to this, I always like to go to loads of effort for peoples birthdays, just because I know how lovely it is whenever people do that for me, but a lot of the time it isn’t returned! Like you said it’s not about the actual present or money, it could be anything but it’s the thought behind it, and sometimes its clear there is none. It’s such a rubbish situation but not one where much can be done, they’re obviously not great friends if they could do that to you, you deserve so much better! Sending you lots of love and I hope you still had a good birthday šŸ™‚

    Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      I’m very lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who made sure my birthday didn’t feel like a complete disaster, haha! Thank you so much for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  2. Oh hun that sucks! I totally would be reacting like you are! I know exactly what you mean, it’s not the fact they did get you some awesome present it’s the principal that they’re all buying everyone else a present so why not you!
    I wish I had some sort of wisdom for you but sadly I don’t. Maybe trying saying to them? Though I know that would be awkward and difficult! I’m sorry hun!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      I’ve considered talking to them about it, but I’m worried I’ll just come off as selfish and they’ll think I’m just in it for the material stuff, which is definitely not the case. I just think that’s a conclusion a lot of people will (unfortunately) jump to. Thank you for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  3. I’m so sorry to hear this and I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not what the present is, it’s the thought that counts. It’s a horrible situation and one that you don’t deserve to be in. Hope you still had a good birthday though.

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Luckily my boyfriend was there to still make my birthday worthwile! Thank you for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  4. So sorry to hear this!
    I definitely agree with you, its not what the present is or how much it costs but the thought behind it that counts. You sound like a really kind person and deserve so much more.
    Sending you lots of good wishes and I hope you are doing okay. šŸ˜Š

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Thank you so much! Your comment actually put a smile on my face; you seem like a very kind person yourself. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      • You’re very welcome ā˜ŗ
        Aw I’m so happy that it did!
        Ah thank you

  5. Even though no one really says so, the relationships you have with your friends are one – if not the most important ones. The lack of gesture hurts, I thought I was overreacting too when something similar happened to me on my birthday two years ago but I totally understand where you’re coming from. In all, I hope you enjoyed your birthday and will one day be able to express your uncertainties with your friends.

    xx
    Leah
    http://therightdirections.wordpress.com
    (@ETTENOMHAEL)

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      You’re so right! I’m very fortunate to have a great boyfriend who made sure my birthday was lovely. I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to my friends about it, though, because I fear they’ll just take it the wrong way… Thank you for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  6. Sadly I know how you feel!
    Sometimes I feel like I try so hard and people don’t give back what I gave. We shouldn’t feel like that, we shouldn’t feel we need to get something back, yet we do!
    You’re not alone x

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      I always tell myself I’m the bigger person for not letting someone’s else’s behaviour dictate mine – in this case still pitching in for people’s presents even though they’ve apparently not cared about mine! Thank you so much for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  7. It sucks to feel left out. I don’t think you’re wrong here at all. It’s not about being selfish but making sure everyone is treated fairly and equally. I think you should say something šŸ˜€

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      I have thought about saying something, but I’m afraid they’ll take it the wrong way and think I’m just acting spoiled! Thank you for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

        • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

          That is so kind of you. I definitely will! šŸ™‚

          xoxo
          Freya

  8. lolitambonita lolitambonita

    Aww my darling I will get you a present!! I can understand why you feel hurt anyone would. Dont let it get to you! x
    Lola Mia // http://www.lolitabonita.co,uk

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      I’m trying not to let it get to me too much, but I wrote this post up right after they asked me the question and in that moment it just hit me. Thank you for your comment! šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      • lolitambonita lolitambonita

        Just dont. Stuff like that doesnt need to consume your life. Next time they ask for someone else just slide it in to convo!! x

        • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

          This is actually a pretty good idea, thanks! šŸ™‚

          xoxo
          Freya

  9. I used to have exactly this situation in my girl group! So many girls would not put money in to others because they were holding grudges about such petty things! I’ve always felt that it’s so nice having a group of friends but at the same time it is the most hostile and bitchy place to be! Xxx

    http://www.lifeofem.co.uk

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      That is definitely true! Some people are just too petty. Thank you for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  10. This must of been a very upsetting post for you to write. I’m sorry your friends have made you feel this way. It’s horrible I have friends that are the same and for me I saw it get worse once I got married and had children. Just keep positive and try not to take it to heart because even if they are your friends don’t let anyone make you feel unappreciated or sad, no matter who they are, you should never be made to feel unhappy. Keep smiling!

    Pinar | http://www.beautybakingbella.com

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. It really made me smile. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  11. This is such an upsetting thing and I’m sorry your friends haven’t been treating you as well as you treat them. I wish I had some words of wisdom but just remember — there are people who care about you and sometimes they just need to be reminded to show it.

    ā¤ļøā¤ļø
    Emily

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Thank you so much for your comment. šŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

  12. Hey Freya!
    I can’t believe this- that’s a horrible way to make you feel! I hope your ‘friends’ read this and realise that they aren’t treating you right.
    I know everyone’s different, but honestly if you don’t feel like they are really your friends then you don’t need them in your life. One good friend is worth a million so-called friends!
    I hope you have a lovely day! X

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      You are so right! These are people I shouldn’t even be bothered about. šŸ™‚ Thanks so much for your lovely comment, Kirsty!

      xoxo
      Freya

  13. I’m realising more and more that you really find your true friends as you get older! I completely relate and at 29 I probably now have about 3 really good friends.
    Belated birthday wishes! I hope ur ‘friends’ read this xx

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Yeah, growing up is definitely a huge part of finding out who your true friends are! šŸ™‚ Thank you for your comment, and for the belated birthday wishes. ^_^

      xoxo
      Freya

  14. I know exactly how this feels, I experience it all the time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope it turns around for you soon ā¤

    • ThatGirlYT ThatGirlYT

      Thank you! šŸ™‚ I don’t think the situation is going to change any time soon, but to be honest I’m alright with that. I’m better off putting energy into more positive parts of my life!

      xoxo
      Freya

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